1b. The beginning of now (video)

This first post, the breakdown that started the whole path into our metaphorical Phoenix rising from the ashes, launches the journey from dark to light. But at the end of this post, we are still very much in the dark.

The vulnerability of recording this caught me by surprise. It doesn’t really matter that this was three years ago and that we are today, in so many ways, entirely past the trauma and uncertainty of then. To say these words out loud was to give them a very different place of prominence in my life, and I was taken aback by how very present they made our past feel.

Dr Marry’s response is interesting in so many ways, too. Because he continues with AA to this day, he speaks about all of this much more than I certainly have. His almost impassive hearing of my words indicates to me how much further along the healing journey he likely is than I am. I just didn’t know it until now.

And to clarify one of his final lines, “They still don’t bend!”: Dr Marry is referencing this notion he has that his Irish ear cartilage is far less bendy than my Italian-Swedish-English-Scotish-muddy mix of Europen and Scandinavian ear cartilage is!

I’ve proven him wrong time and again over the years.


  1. What a gift you are giving others by sharing your story. I couldn’t be more intrigued as I’ve personally been effected by addiction and have friends in the journey of recovery as well. Thank you for this gift!


  2. In the heart of vulnerability lies enormous strength. Thanks for this message Dayna. Your courage moves us all forward.


  3. I lost two brothers and a father to addiction (alcohol) related health issues. What I did learn, though, is that the addicted have to want to make the change. If they don’t then you have to decide if you will accept the addiction as part of the relationship. Choices (hard) we all have to make. It is a lot to work through but change can come and with it understanding, care, and love.


  4. Yesterday marked 8 years since my youngest daughter chose sobriety. The learning curve on addiction is one 90 degree angle and straight up. Most of the time we just hung on for dear life as we learned, coped, moved forward, accepted. This is so important and should never be hidden.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s