3c. Hitting the first bottom (podcast)

It’s time for this week’s podcast.

I didn’t particularly like this week. I have had such a swirling mess of emotions surrounding this post. Mostly I have a lingering sense of anger, but it’s not really anger about this particular situation. It’s more that I’m still angry about some parallel events that happened at the same time.

But anger isn’t even the right word; mostly I am just so, so sad. This week has left me unable to articulate exactly how I am feeling, and that is not at all something I am accustomed to. And I don’t like it. In the end, I suppose it’s about my inability to control things, and I really don’t like that.

I guess ultimately this week revealed to me that, despite the benefit of time and the joy of successful sobriety to date, the trauma of this period still lives, dormant much of the time, just underneath the surface. And this week woke the sleeping emotions and shoved them to the surface.

I’m ready to put them back to bed. I’m not sure that they have served me very well. I hope they have been useful for you.